Monday, December 22, 2008

The Best Holiday Fruit Cake Every

Fruit cake recipe

1 cup of water
1 cup of honey
4 large eggs
3 cups flour
2 cups of dried fruits
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
1 gallon whiskey

Sample whiskey to check for quality.
take a large bowl.
check the whiskey again to be sure it is what you want, checking it twice makes a difference for this recipe.
pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. beat 1 cup butter.
in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still O.K.
Cry another cup. Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
This is Important!!! Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something, who cares, you know what I mean.
Next, Check the whiskey again.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or whatever.
What ever you can find, throw it in.
I sweep the floor and add.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Dont forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out the window.
Check the whiskey again.
At this point rename the recipe.... Fruit cake surprise!
Go to bed, If you can find it.
Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

Author Unknown ~ I can imagine that you could substitute any alcohol according to your taste.

I have been in a soap rut lately. I have been keeping up with my winery soaps, but have been unable to think up anything else. I do have plans for Valentine gift set and hopefully will start that soon.


Five O'Clock Somewhere said...

Too funny, I read the ingredients and was thinking wow, that is quite a bit of whiskey for a cake (I'm not much of a baker) but maybe it evaporated out? Then I read the funny instructions. Cute!

Ragtree said...

Ha! This is MUCH like my Christmas baking experience (I start the day with Mimosas!)

I was reading your other posts and I wish you the BEST with whatever enterprise you are wanting to start this year. Life is such an exciting, wonderful adventure and I'm sure you will succeed at anything you put your mind and heart into!

Renee :)

P.S. I hope Santa was good to you!

Anne-Marie said...

Hm, between the whiskey fruit cake and the wine soap, you're having a great Christmas season. =)

PS - I've still never had a fruit cake. I'm not sure I'd be able to choke it down!